Why I retired...

Flatlander · Old hand Joined: 12 Aug 2007 Posts: 213 Location: Kansas

The next time you read through the employment
classifieds, you'll notice they are filled with rather
nebulous phrases. Below is a brief lexicon to help
you decipher what they mean. :lol:

COMPETITIVE SALARY:
We remain competitive by paying less than our
competitors.

FLEXIBLE HOURS:
Work 55 hours a week; get paid for 40 .

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Management communicates, you listen; then try
to figure out what they want you to do.

ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD:
You whine, you're fired.

CAREER-MINDED:
We hired you to do one job. That 's your
career; until you are 70.

SELF-MOTIVATED:
Management won't answer questions.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:
Some over-time each night and some over-time
each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
Also, read the last sentence of your job
description. "...and any other duties that
may be required of you."

COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT:
We have a lot of turnover.

POSITION REQUIRES MOTIVATED
SELF-STARTER:
There is no "job training" program. We expect
you to already know all there is to know about the
job. Also, you'll have wait 30 days for your first
check.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll
dress up; well, a couple of the real daring
guys have nose and lip piercings and some
of the girls have rather large tattoos .

SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED:
If we get in trouble, you'll be the one to go
on TV and lie to get us out of it.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE
VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:
You'll need it to replace the three people who
just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

COMPUTER SKILLS A MUST:
If you know anything about computers, you're
also our new "IT specialist."
_________________
Regards,

John

uncle aj · Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 6:25 am Post subject:

It sounds like the place where I work. :lol: :lol:

Tardis · Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 1:12 pm Post subject:

That's a good one John! Sounds like a job I had for a few years.