To work or not to work?

ABS · Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 7:31 pm Post subject: To work or not to work?

The more time I'm back to work, the more I realize all the precious moments I miss out on with Ileana!
I'm off 3 days a week, but the other 4 I don't see her, cuz she's still asleep when I leave in the morning, and back to sleep when I get back in the evening! (except for Sundays I do see her an hour coz I get off earlier)

Financially it would be REALLY TOUGH for me to be a stay at home mom, but I know people do it everyday with probably a smaller income.
How do they do it?? I don't get it... I've been trying to budget to see if we could make it on one paycheck; we barely make it on two!
Any advise anyone??
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#23

East Bay Rider · Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 3:37 am Post subject:

When my son was born my wife tried to stay home. She did for 3 months and ate through our savings. Fact is with rent, (at the time we didn't have a house) a car payment (we bought a small 4 door family car 3 years prior) and the normal bills we could barely get by with both of us working. Unless you're wealthy or one of you can work nights while the other stays home I don't know how normal folks can do it. Some people make $30-$40 per hour, maybe they can afford it.
At one point I rolled spare change to buy a truck ($700.00) and drove it for 2 years. It wasn't pretty but it ran and passed state inspection. We only needed one good car (hers) and it had air conditioning so we were happy with that. As soon as the car was paid off we combined the car payment money with the rent and could afford a house. But we both had to work to make it happen.
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..... putting the fun in dysfunctional.....

uncle aj · Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 7:47 am Post subject:

This is a hard question for me, never having been in this situation. There are some observations I could make. In a few years Ileana will be going to school or pre-school and you will not see her while she's there. I told my wife she did not need to work as I was making enough for both of us and I thought I was doing her a favour, biggest mistake I ever made. She could go out to coffee mornings and such but she was not getting the stimulus of the pressures and thought that goes with working. She now works in a school library and although the pay is not very goo, she is a lot happier, mixing with other women and learning new things.

Bottom line is, although it may be hard to do and a sacrifice, in the long run it's for the benefit of your family's future.

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Tools · Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 4:47 pm Post subject:

Starting out with a family is always an eye opener...

It won't be long before little Ileana isn't little any more..........she will be up and into everything...........

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Lisa · Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 6:34 am Post subject:

Mireyna, I'd suggest that you take a good hard look at your current budget and lifestyle and see if you can truly make it work to stay home - I'm a big believer in staying home with the babies if possible, but I also know that realistically it's not always possible.

At the time Phoebe was born, I had left the door open to return to work. But I just couldn't do it. I knew we could make ends meet if I stayed home, because my husband was almost done with school and would soon have an income roughly equal to what I had been earning. It was a big adjustment to quit working, and I can't say it was the best decision for MY needs, but I think my kids benefited from having Mom around all the time. And I did get to be there for the first steps, the first words, the first solid foods, and all of those amazing milestone moments.

In the years before having kids, when my husband quit his job and started medical school, our household income dropped 60 percent. We cut way back on our expenses - selling his more expensive car for a cheaper one, cancelling all magazine subscriptions and cable TV, and not eating out much - we were big two-for-one coupon users! Since his school was in another city, we had to sell our house. We bought a tiny and inexpensive home in Tulsa - the mortgage payment was about $300 a month. Luckily, my boss let me open a satellite office in Tulsa, and I kept my weekend scrub tech job, so we were earning about $38,000 from my income alone while he was a med student.

So, we lived as cheaply as we could - at the same time my maternity/vacation benefits had run out, Dave had finished school and started earning about $32,000 as an intern. We had to move to San Antonio after one year for his residency, and he made a little more during those three years, but topped out at about $42,000. We had bought a house for around $90,000 there, and we could make the payments on it and live pretty comfortably - even when the second baby came along in 2003. I was even able to afford a bigger car.

You know, if you were able to stay home for three or four years, then you could return to work once she started school. The times goes by fast.

Take my drivel for what it's worth, Mireyna. I've never had the perspective of a working mom, so there's a lot from that side of the fence I have no idea about.

ABS · Posted: Sun Jun 07, 2009 3:34 am Post subject:

Thank you Lisa.
I'm still thinking about it... I really love my job, but I hate missing out on Ileana! We'll see.

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#23

East Bay Rider · Posted: Sun Jun 07, 2009 12:42 pm Post subject:

Can you work at home?
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..... putting the fun in dysfunctional.....

ABS · Posted: Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:50 am Post subject:

Tools · Posted: Wed Jun 10, 2009 4:13 am Post subject:

uncle aj · Posted: Wed Jun 10, 2009 4:16 am Post subject:

Flatlander · Posted: Wed Jun 10, 2009 4:39 am Post subject:

Staying home with your children can be done but sometimes sacrifices must be made. Many years ago (1963) my wife and I decided that she would stay home with the children and once they started school she could work outside the home if she wished. We had 3 children (2 boys and a girl) and she elected to remain at home even after they started school. My wife was very active in the various school activities and she was instrumental in instilling a good work ethic in all the children.

We had a two bedroom home and eventually added a third bedroom when we could afford it. There was only one vehicle and I worked either second or third shift. Shopping, doctor appointments, etc., were scheduled for the times when the car was available. We didn't eat out much and most family activities were free (visits to the parks, picnics, zoo, local sports activities, etc.) We rarely used babysitters and if we couldn't take the children we didn't go.

My starting income wasn't much and as I gained experience and seniority it naturally increased. All of which was invested back in the family. As the children get older the expenses increase, so the additional salary was needed.

Our bills always got paid, everyone was clothed (before designer labels) and no one missed any meals. My wife is affectionately known as the "Coupon Queen". I credit her for the way our children turned out and she was the rock of our family. All our children are very close to their mother and hardly a day goes by that she doesn't talk to one or all. Our families gather on a regular basis and it is such a joy to observe them and their interactions.

Yes, there were some bumps in the road...terrible twos, those difficult teen years and other incidents too numerous to list. However, we got through them and it was worth it. I realize times are different and there are more outside influences. It can be done but not everyone is suited for a particular path. The best gift you can give your children is your presence and guidance, whether you work outside the home or not..
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John